


Polarity

by bouquetofwhoopsiedaisies



Series: Gold In The Cracks [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Agender Pidge | Katie Holt, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Asexual Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, I started this series when that was a more popular headcanon... oh well, I'm tagging those but they BARELY take place, Interrupted Sex, Lance is a very understanding partner, Mild Angst, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, Unsuccessful Sex, hey sometimes you try stuff and end up not being into it that's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 17:21:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bouquetofwhoopsiedaisies/pseuds/bouquetofwhoopsiedaisies
Summary: “That’s us, the weirdest but the best.”  Lance says, the corner of his lips pulling up in a smile.  “The dynamic duo, opposites attract.  Like peanut butter and jelly.”“Like water and oil…” Pidge’s smile slips.  They really are like water and oil, aren’t they?  One with a positive and negative charge -- or sexuality -- and one with two negative charges -- or lack of sexuality -- trying to mix but always ending up separated by virtue of their nature.  You can stir water and oil all you want, but their polarity will always push them apart when the movement settles.(Pidge wants to try having sex.  It goes okay at first, then... less okay.  But it all works out in the end)





	Polarity

**Author's Note:**

> This series is a little old and I'm two weeks late to Asexual Awareness Week, but... that week was a little crazy for me. Don't think I like the universe being aware of me after all, lmao.
> 
> Obligatory disclaimer that all asexual people are different and this isn't meant to be a blanket experience. To each their own, and every situation is different. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Pidge takes a deep breath to steel themselves before lifting a hand and knocking on the slightly-ajar door to Lance’s room.  He looks up from his reading assignment, turning a bit in his desk chair to see them. “Hey, what’s up?”

“So, I’ve been doing some thinking.”  Pidge bounces on their toes a bit, trying to get rid of some of the nervous tension they feel coiled up inside them like a spring.  “And I figure, I should at least give it a chance. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, and all that. I mean, everyone else says it’s good, and there are scientifically-proven health benefits I guess, although technically nothing that can’t be achieved with average exercise, but… I just never figured I needed to try it myself, but hey, maybe it would be good for me?  So, maybe I should try it.”

Lance blinks.  “Okay…” he draws the word out slowly, a bit uncertain.  “Either we’re talking about you going on a no-peanut-butter diet or sex.”

Pidge winces.  “The second one.”

“Uh-huh.”  Lance turns around in his chair to face them, crossing his arms.  “I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t think you should have sex.”

“You know I meant, like, with you, right?”  Pidge gestures between the two of them. “Not someone else?”

“I kinda figured, since you brought it up with me.”  Lance says.

“So… aren’t you supposed to jump me by this point?”  Pidge is confused with the direction this conversation has taken.  Or, rather, the turn it  _ hasn’t  _ taken.  

Lance just raises an eyebrow at that.  “Yeah, well, my partner happens to be aro-ace, so forgive me for wanting to discuss this a bit before I, as you so eloquently put it, ‘jump’ you.”  He says. “Why do you want to do this?”

Pidge lifts a shoulder.  “Curiosity. I’m a scientist, you know.  We like our trial and error stuff. And, well, I never bothered to try it before declaring it an error.  So,” they make a vague gesture between that looks like a cross between a shrug and an all-encompassing circle.  “Figured I should do the trial part.” 

“Pretty sure we can just take a nature walk if you want to get your science on.”  Lance points out. Pidge has to admit, even the thought of a nature walk has more appeal than the idea of having sex. But no, this isn’t about them right now.  Lance knows them too well, though. “Any other reason besides curiosity?”

“Nope.”  Pidge fixes their gaze on a poster of a baseball player hanging up near Lance’s desk.  If they can’t look Lance in the eyes, at least they can look this pitcher in the eyes.

“Really.”  Lance doesn’t sound convinced.  Pidge shifts their weight nervously, feeling pinned under his knowing gaze.

“And… you deserve it…” They admit quietly.  Pidge  _ knows _ he likes sex; he doesn’t make as many jokes about it, since they started their QPR, but they know he still wants it deep down, past all the consideration for Pidge’s feelings.  Relationships -- platonic or otherwise -- are about give and take, and Lance gives so much, especially on this subject, and Pidge thinks it’s time they give this to him in return.

“And there it is,” Lance sighs.  “Look, Pidge, I appreciate the thought, I really do.  But we shouldn’t have sex just because you think I want to.  Sex is supposed to be something enjoyable, because the people involved feel that the time is right.  Not because one of the people feels like they owe it to the other person.”

“But… you do so much for me,” Pidge says.  “You don’t push my boundaries and you remind me to take off my binder and you cook for me and you don’t kiss me… you do so much for me, and I want to do something for you.”

“Okay, one, you cook dinner for me as often as I do for you, that argument doesn’t work when we literally trade off every other night,” Lance points out.  “Two, the fact that boundaries and not kissing you are things that come up in your reasons are exactly why I have doubts about this. Three, again, no one ever owes anyone sex, in any situation or set of circumstances.”

“That’s not-- ugh.  That’s not the only reason, okay?”  Pidge says, getting a bit frustrated.  “There’s the curiosity too. So if you won’t do it with me, I’ll just find someone else.”  It’s a bluff, and Lance knows it. The two of them have a brief staring match before Pidge caves and looks away, dropping their head with a sigh.  “No, that’s a lie. I would only do it with you.”

“And why is that?”  Lance asks.

“Why do you think?”  Pidge looks up. “You’re the only one I would trust with something like this.”  

Lance’s lips tighten into a thin line and he looks away.  He seems to be considering it. 

“I’ll make you those brownies you like.”  Pidge adds, hoping it’ll help tip the scales.  It’s a well-documented fact that Pidge’s secret-recipe brownies are better than sex.  Allosexuals have even confirmed it. Well, not all of them, some were just stubborn like that.  But Hunk confirmed it, at least, and he’s a pretty tough judge to win over, so Pidge figured it counted.

Unfortunately, their words seem to have the opposite effect than they intended.  Lance gives them a flat, unamused look. “Oh goodie, we’ve upgraded from manipulation to bribery.”  

“Oh come on!”  Pidge throws their hands up in frustration.  “I really did not think it was going to be this hard to get you to have sex with me.  Am I just not attractive or something?”

Lance sighs and rubs his hands over his face.  “That’s not it. That is definitely not it, trust me.” 

“Then what is it?”  Pidge asks, crossing their arms.

“I just have some doubts about how much you really want this, and I don’t want you to feel like this is a mistake later.”  Lance says. “I mean, your criteria for us being in a QPR and living together included no sex, minimal kissing, and an apartment with two bedrooms.  Forgive me for being a bit skeptical.”

“People change.”  Pidge says. “People’s ideas about what they want can change.  Is that so hard to believe? I mean, I  _ hated  _ peppermint candy for like, seven years as a kid, but now I like it.”

“I’m not sure the regrowing of taste buds is comparable to wanting sex.”  Lance says doubtfully.

“I mean, it could be.”  Pidge shrugs, giving him a sly look.  He rolls his eyes. Pidge lets their hands drop back to their sides.  “Look, I trust you enough to ask if we can have sex. Don’t you trust me enough to know I’m not lying and am giving full consent?”  

Lance crosses his arms, considering it.  Pidge just waits patiently. Finally he sighs.  “Alright, fine. But you have to promise me that if you change your mind or want to stop at any point, you’ll say something.  Doesn’t matter how far we’ve gone, you can say no at any time.” 

“Got it.”  Pidge gives him a mock salute before grabbing the bottom of their t-shirt and lifting it.  They pause when he lets out a startled squawk. 

“What,  _ now _ ?!”  He asks.

They blink at him, shirt halfway off.  “Did you want, like, a two-week notice or something?”  

“No, I just wasn’t expecting it to be right this second!”  Lance sputters. 

“Oh.”  Pidge says.  “I mean, we could schedule it, if you would prefer that.  I was kinda figuring it would be now, though.” 

Lance hesitates.  “No, now is fine.”  He turns back to his desk and switches off the desk-lamp there.  “It just surprised me, that’s all. You’re sure you’re okay with it?”

“Well, at this rate, I’m thinking it might be faster to just find a unicorn to fuck instead.”  Pidge quips, wiggling their shirt the rest of the way off and dropping it on the floor.

“Beastiality, kinky.” Lance deadpans.  “Would you stop taking your clothes off for a second?”

Pidge looks up from where they’re opening the button of their shorts.  “I was under the impression that this was generally a nude activity.” 

“Not necessarily, but that’s beside the point.”  Lance says, taking their hands away from their shorts and holding them in his own.  “We need to discuss boundaries.”

“Does everyone usually have a Q&A session before sex, or is that just you?”  Pidge asks, smirking. “Will there be a follow-up survey afterwards as well?”  

“Depends, in this case, and most likely.”  Lance says, addressing each point. “Now, boundaries.  Anything you’re not okay with doing, right off the bat?”  

“Can’t really think of anything, no.”  Pidge says. “You?” 

“Eh, I’m pretty vanilla, to be honest, but I don’t think we’ll even get to kinky stuff.”  Lance shrugs.

“Do you doubt my kinkiness, sir?”  Pidge cocks an eyebrow at him. 

“Not at all, I’ve seen your tumblr.”  Lance says. “In  _ practice _ , though, I doubt both of us.  Or at the very least, I doubt our having enough experience with it to do it right.”  

“That’s fair.”  Pidge agrees. 

“Can I eat you out?”  Lance asks. 

Pidge blinks, taken aback.  “Is that… fun for you?” 

“It can be.”  Lance holds their gaze, but his cheeks turn pink.  “Yes or no?”

Pidge thinks about it.  “Sure.” 

“Do you have, like, condoms and stuff?”  Lance asks.

“Yes, I have tons of condoms for my huge dick.”  Pidge deadpans. “Isn’t that your thing?”

“Hey, condoms are an everyone thing.”  Lance says. “And no, I don’t exactly keep a lot around, because I kind of assumed my aro-ace QPR-partner wouldn’t ask me for sex.”  

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”  Pidge sings. “So, what should we do?”

“Definitely put a hold on this until we have condoms.”  Lance says, letting go of their hands. “I’ll run to a convenience store.”  

“Then I shall sit here, consumed with lust.”  Pidge takes a seat on the edge of his bed, fists on their knees and a dramatic grimace on their face.  

He rolls his eyes.  “And no memes during sex.”  

“Oh, now where’s the fun in that?”  Pidge sticks their tongue out at him.  He laughs and throws their shirt at them.  

“I’ll be back in ten.” He tells them, grabbing his wallet.  

“I’ll just chill here.”  Pidge swings their feet up onto his bed and props their head up, hand on their hip in the standard ‘paint-me-like-one-of-your-French-girls’ pose.  He snorts in amusement and shakes his head fondly as he slips on his shoes. 

“You’re such a nerd.”  He says.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”  They wait until their certain he has left and is down the stairs, then get up and slip back into their room, opening their laptop at their desk.  “Oh dark google, show me your answers…” they mutter, opening up an incognito window and typing  _ what should you do before having sex _ in the search bar.  Oh boy. A ton of listicals pop up, with headlines like  _ 10 of things a woman should do before losing her virginity _ and  _ 5 things a man should do before having sex _ … They forgot just how goddamn  _ heteronormative _ sex websites were.  They click a random one and start reading.  Blah, blah, blah, virginity, girl, girl, girl… For Pete’s sake, there was a reason they stayed away from this corner of the internet.  They click through the tips quickly, scanning for anything actually useful.  _ Everything may change!  Or nothing may change…  _ this was a waste of time--

The front door opens and Lance’s voice calls out “I’m back,”  

They hadn’t realized how much time had passed.  Startled, they jump upright and slap the laptop lid closed.  “Hi!” Their voice comes out higher and louder than they intended.

Lance gives them a weird look as he hangs his coat up.  “Uh, do I even want to know what you were doing?” He asks, kicking off his shoes.  

“I wasn’t doing anything!”  

“Right.”  Lance doesn’t look convinced.  “Well, if you were watching porn, just know that’s not realistic.”  He digs around in the plastic bag he’s holding. “I got condoms, lube -- hey, you never know when it might come in handy -- a couple of kit-kats because I felt like it.”  He puts his hands on his hips. “Now, your bed or mine? Or having second thoughts?” He asks, noticing the way they’re staring at the bag.

Pidge blinks.  “Actually I was wondering when you were planning on eating the kit-kats.”  They say, honestly.

“I was thinking after.”  Lance smiles, relieved that’s all it was.

“Ooh, good idea, then it’ll be like a reward.”  

He laughs.  “Only you would think of the food as a reward rather than the sex itself.”  He says, taking out the condoms and lube and tossing the plastic bag onto the couch.  

“Me and every other ace person.”  Pidge says. “And in answer to your earlier question, your room is fine.”  

“Then, shall we?”  He gestures grandly to his bedroom.

“You are remarkably chill about this whole thing.”  Pidge says over their shoulder as they stroll into his room.  

“Oh rest assured, I am screaming on the inside.”  Lance says, following them and closing the door. 

“Good screaming or bad screaming?”  Pidge asks, hopping onto his bed. 

“Good screaming, don’t worry.”  Lance smiles. “A little nervous, too.  You?”

“Same.”  Pidge shrugs, trying to maintain a casual air.  They watch as Lance sets the box of condoms and small bottle of lube on the nightstand.  “Are you sure we’ll need that? I thought that was just for butt-stuff.” Granted, the majority of their knowledge about sex came from reading fanfiction, which they know wasn’t the most accurate source.  Probably wasn’t any less reliable than watching porn, though, to be honest.

“Can’t hurt just to have it on hand.  If we don’t use it, I’ll, uh, just use it on my own.”  Lance admits, a blush coloring his cheeks. Pidge’s eyebrows shoot up and the corner of their mouth curls up in a smirk.  He rolls his eyes and sits down on the bed next to them, taking their hands in his. “So, um, how much do you want to do here?”

“I figured we could try just the tip and see how it goes from there.”  Pidge says.

Lance blinks, then covers his eyes with a hand, his blush darkening.  “Fuck, Pidge, I meant did you want to try kissing again?”

“Oh.  Whoops.”  Well that was awkward.  And they forgot about the kissing, to be honest.  It hadn’t been particularly memorable, last time. “Sure, we can try the kissing thing again.”  

“You’re sure?”  Lance looks at them.  “You didn’t like it very much before.”  

“Maybe that changed too.  Let’s just try it.” They decide.  

“Alright,” he leans in, closing his eyes, and Pidge has a moment to remember  _ oh right, supposed to close the eyes, right… _  And then his lips are on theirs, just pressing gently for a few moments before he pulls back.  “How was that?” 

“Level one’s been cleared for a while.”  Pidge says. They were fine with that kind; it was the other ones they had an issue with, last time they had tried this.  

“Level two?”  He asks. 

“Go ahead.”  Pidge steels themselves as he leans back in, a hand coming up to push through their hair, which is nice (they like when he plays with their hair).  This one starts off fine enough, same as the other, but then he pulls back just a little before pressing in again and, ugh, there’s the tongue. Pidge can’t help the way their lips involuntarily tighten, nor can they hide it from him; he notices immediately and pulls back.  Pidge winces. “Sorry.”

“No, that’s okay,” he starts to withdraw his hand, but Pidge stops him.  

“No, no, come back,” they link their arms behind his neck, fingers playing with the short hairs at the base of his neck.  “Third time’s the charm?” 

“You can say if you don’t like it, you know.”  Lance reminds them.

“I know.”  Pidge nods.  He studies them another moment longer, then leans in a third time. 

Pidge tries really, really hard to be into it, and they do manage to get past the hurdle of initially opening their mouth and letting him in, but past that… It isn’t long before they’re gently breaking off the kiss.  “I’m sorry.” They sigh, disheartened and a little frustrated with themselves.

“It’s okay.”  Lance offers them a smile, hands cradling their cheeks.  

“The level one kisses are fine, though.”  Pidge says. “You could try those, um, on places other than the lips.”  

“Ooh, intriguing.”  Lance wiggles his eyebrows at them before swooping in to kiss their forehead, then their nose, then their cheek.  From there, his lips slide along their jawline to the place where their ear and their neck meet, laying butterfly kisses along their skin.  “How about…” he speaks up, breath fanning over their throat. “Level two kisses, on your neck?”

“Are you asking if you can give me a hickey?”  Pidge opens their eyes and looks down at him. 

“Mm, if you’re okay with it.”  

“Sure, have at it, Dracula,”

“I vant to kiss yur neck…” he says dramatically, nuzzling the column of their throat until they’re giggling.  They pull a bit of a face when the kisses turn wet, but it’s more from confusion than disgust. Honestly, they aren’t sure what the appeal is, but they don’t have to do much more than tilt their head to give him more access, so they let him have his fun with it.  For now, they’re content to just play with his hair, alternating between brushing their fingers through it and lightly scratching. He moans against their neck when their nails lightly rake over a certain spot at the base of his neck where his hairline is, so they mentally catalogue this bit of information and come back to it periodically, enjoying the sounds it draws from him.  

“This is actually pretty nice,” they say as his lips trail lower, along their collarbone.

“Foreplay is your best friend.”  Lance says, pulling back. His eyes look darker, and they remember offhandedly that dilated pupils are a sign of arousal.  They wonder if their eyes look the same. They don’t really… feel any different…

He smiles, and something in the depths of Pidge’s chest feels warm and sunny at the sight.  “Wanna lay down?”

Instead of answering, Pidge just locks their hands behind his neck and flops backward, head bouncing a bit on the pillow.  Lance lands on them with an “ _ oof _ ”, off-balance for a moment before he’s kneeling over them.  He swoops in to plant a quick kiss on their lips while their hands slip under the bottom of his shirt, fingertips dancing over the abdominal muscles that are just barely visible there.  Lance is a self-described ‘noodle’, and Pidge won’t deny that, but they also know that he is packed with long, lean muscles. He would make for a good anatomy drawing study, Pidge thinks, if they could one day summon the interest to actually practice drawing people.  Drawing up schematics for computer parts and robots was a lot different than trying to get the shading on a still-life or a model correct. Keith likes to draw, they remember, but they somehow doubt Keith would be interested in drawing Lance. It would probably end with someone throwing a charcoal pencil or sketchbook at the other’s head and at least one of them stomping out of the room.

Oh, right.  They’re having sex now.  Admittedly, they kind of forgot.

Lance sits up and strips off his t-shirt, and Pidge follows suit.  They toy with the hem of their half-tank binder, thinking it over for a few seconds.  “Can I maybe… leave the binder on?” 

“Of course.”  Lance leans over the edge of the bed and picks up his t-shirt he had just dropped there.  “If you get out of breath and need to take it off, though, you can put a shirt on.” He shoves the shirt half-under the pillow, easily within reach should they need it later.

“Sorry.  I know you like boobs.”  Pidge apologizes. 

“I like  _ you _ ,” Lance kisses the tip of their nose.  “I’ve still got plenty of Pidge to have fun with.”  His hands slide down their sides, fingertips drumming over their ribcage as he looks at them thoughtfully.  They have half a second to register the mischievous glint in his eyes before he suddenly ducks down and blows a raspberry against their stomach, and they’re so surprised by the action that they burst out laughing, which only makes him do it more.  

They push his head away, giggling uncontrollably.  “Mm, so sexy.” Their tone comes out teasing and sarcastic.

“You know it.”  He winks. They just roll their eyes at him and put a hand on his chest, pushing him backward and following him up.  Lance looked confused for a moment, then Pidge climbs into his lap and he has to bite back a groan. Pidge decides to take a leaf from his book and goes for his neck, laying kisses along the line of his jaw and down his throat.  They let their tongue dart out and lick hesitantly, unsure if they’re doing this right but trying their best to mimic what he did before. It’s a little salty, and they still aren’t entirely sure what the point is, but Lance seems to enjoy it, based on his breathy moan.  Maybe  _ that’s  _ the point of it, they realize.  Interesting. 

Pidge goes about it in a scientific way, experimenting with pressure and how much tongue to use and how and where to nip at his skin, noting what makes him groan and what makes him tighten his fingers on their hips.  They catalogue his reactions, filing away the knowledge for later reference. When they grind down on his lap, the choked-off groan he makes and the way his hands press them closer make them smirk victoriously. His hips roll up against them once before he pushes them away.  “Pants… gotta get… off…” 

Pidge understands, and reaches down to open the button of his jeans.  They take a moment to cup the bulge through the denim, earning them a gasp and a quiet “ _ fuck… _ ”  Pidge backs off to let him get his jeans off and hides a giggle behind their hand when he nearly falls over trying to get his legs out of them as fast as humanly possible.  He kicks the jeans off and puts a hand on their shoulder to gently push them onto their back again, his other hand going to the waistband of their shorts. “Can I…?” He looks up and waits for Pidge’s nod to go on, popping open the button and sliding the zipper down.  Pidge has half a second to reflect that maybe they should have worn something sexier underneath, but Lance just laughs quietly when he sees the bright green alien face right over the crotch of their black boxer-briefs and the words “I come in peace” above the alien. 

“You are such a  _ nerd _ …” Lance says fondly.  

“You say that like you’re not.”  Pidge points out, poking him in the thigh with their foot.  “Power Ranger boxers?”

“I’ll make  _ you  _ come in peace…” Lance says slyly, kissing them again.  Pidge blinks and pulls back from the kiss, eyes wide.

“Oh my god, is  _ that  _ what it means?”  They didn’t even realize it.  Lance gives them a funny look.  

“What did you think it meant?”  

“I come to Earth in peace!”  

“Pidge, it’s written on  _ underwear _ .”  

Pidge looks down at the alien again, then flops backwards with a sigh.  “Well, that was an ace moment...” They mutter. They’re not going to be able to look at this pair the same way again.    

“You’re so cute.”  Lance chuckles, thumbs stroking the insides of their knees.  

“I’m not cute, I am fierce and a force to be reckoned with.”  Pidge huffs.

“No reason you can’t be both.”  Lance drops a kiss where his fingers had just been.  

“Fair enough.”  Pidge can deal with that.  

“Want to keep going?”  Lance asks. 

“No, I want to take up underwater basket-weaving.”  Pidge quips. Lance arches an eyebrow at them, unmoving.  “Yes, keep going.” They sit up again and tug on the waistband of his boxers.  

There’s a bit of awkward shuffling and Pidge nearly kicks him in the ribs once by accident, but eventually the both of them get their underwear off and are left naked (or in Pidge’s case, naked aside from their binder) on the bed.  Pidge is… well, to be quite honest, a little surprised by the size of his dick. They personally weren’t one to actively seek out explicit images or watch porn -- not because they were ‘innocent’ or anything, just because they simply didn’t  _ care _ \-- so they were under the impression it would be more along the lines of the size of a tampon or so.  And it looks… kind of funny, actually. They reach out a hand and touch it hesitantly, fingers lightly brushing over it, and are surprised at how hot it feels.  Lance lets out a sound that’s half a groan, half a whine, and his eyes flutter closed. They wrap their hand around it a little more firmly and his hips roll up to meet their movements.  

After a few minutes, his fingers curl around their wrist and gently push their hand away.  “If we keep doing this, I’m gonna… I don’t want to finish yet.” He pants, sounding breathless.  He prods them to lay back and settles himself on his knees between their legs, eyes dark and sparkling as he looks down at them.  His hands run over their hips and down their thighs, the caresses warm and reverent. His thumbs rub circles into the skin on the inside of their knees, slowly travelling up the inside of their thighs.  That does feel nice, and sends a spark of arousal through Pidge’s abdomen. Their heart beats faster with every inch his fingers climb up, and the first touch of hot fingers against them has them tipping their head back as a gasped “ _ fuck _ ” makes its way out of their mouth.  

Lance grins and circles his thumb around their clit, enjoying drawing more gasps and groans from them.  A shiver of pleasure runs up their spine and they can’t help but grind down onto his fingers. He keeps playing with their clit, changing the pressure and movement to keep them on edge.  Sometimes his touch is maddeningly light and they have to roll their hips up to chase it, other times he pushes down hard enough to make them see stars and squirm. Every nerve in their body seems to be lit up and zeroing in on wherever his hot skin touches theirs, from his fingers against them to the insides of their legs where they’re pressed against his sides.  Pidge feels like they could come just from this, but every time they get close, Lance backs away with a smirk, drawing them back from the edge. After a while, his other hand joins in, fingertips skating along their inner thigh before spreading their folds. Pidge lets out a breathy groan when his finger circles around their hole before pressing inside. 

“ _ Shit _ ,” Lance’s eyes fall closed.  “Pidge, fuck, you feel amazing…”  And that was just part of one finger.  Pidge would like to say the feeling is mutual, but it’s… not.  It feels kind of weird, and Pidge hasn’t stuck anything in that particular opening since the first time they tried wearing a tampon, an experience they hadn’t repeated since.  Supposedly, though, it gets better. So they hear, at least.

“Keep going,” Pidge tells him, hooking a leg behind his back.  He nods and tries to push more of his finger in, but it’s difficult to move.

Lance’s forehead furrows in a frown.  He knows there’s a definite difference between  _ oh-baby-you’re-so-tight _ and  _ not-aroused-tight _ , and he’s thinking this might be the latter variety.  Was he doing something wrong? His left hand smooths over the taut muscles of their stomach before going back to rubbing their clit.  “Pidge, you’ve gotta relax.” 

“I’m trying,” Pidge says tersely, gritting their teeth.  

He leans down and kisses their stomach.  “Try less, feel more.” 

Pidge nods and closes their eyes, taking a deep breath.  After a few seconds, their muscles unclench enough for him to push his finger in a little more and wiggle it, but then they immediately tense up again.  He looks down. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”  Pidge says sharply.  They reach for the bedside table and grab the small bottle of lube Lance had bought earlier.  “Here, try this.” 

Lance looks doubtful, but pulls his finger out slowly -- the sensation making Pidge shiver -- and takes the tube from them.  He spreads a liberal amount of lube over his fingers and tries again, his left hand alternating between rubbing their stomach and massaging their clit.  Pidge closes their eyes and tries to concentrate on keeping their muscles from clenching. 

The slickness of the lube helps, a little, and he’s able to get two fingers in, but it’s still too tight.  Lance kisses the inside of their knee. “Pidge, you need to relax more.” 

“I’m  _ trying _ ,” Pidge’s voice comes out strained.  They’re frustrated with themselves and don’t understand why this is so difficult.  It hurts and they know it’s because they’re too tense, but they just can’t seem to relax.  They don’t like the feeling and they don’t know why anyone bothers doing this. 

“Do you want to stop?”  Lance asks.

“No,” they say firmly.  They’re currently filled with about 50% sheer determination, 30% wanting to do this for Lance, 10% spite, and 10% wanting to have sex just for the sake of having sex.  Probably not the best odds, but they might have a little more in that last category if their body would just cooperate a bit. 

Lance looks down, his expression thoughtful for a few minutes.  “Okay, new plan.” He says, drawing his fingers out slowly and wiping them on the bedspread.  “People are more relaxed after they come once, right? So I can just eat you out until you come, and then if you want to go further, we can try again.”  

“If you really want to put your face down there, then sure.”  Pidge can’t help but pull a grimace at the idea. 

“I have absolutely no qualms about ‘putting my face down there’, to be honest.”  Lance winks. “Sounds quite enjoyable, in fact.” 

“Alright, you weirdo.”  Pidge chuckles. 

“You’re okay with it?”  Lance asks, laying down between their legs and slipping his hands around their hips.  

“I don’t understand the appeal, but sure.”  Pidge lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “Yeah, I’m okay with it.”  

Lance grins and drops a line of kisses along the inside of their thigh, slowly moving upwards.  He pulls back just enough to lick his lips, then presses a kiss right to their clit. Heat shoots up their spine and they throw their head back.  

“Okay, I see the appeal now…” they mutter, their voice breathless.  Lance chuckles, and the vibration makes them shiver with pleasure. His tongue darts out, licking and swirling around their clit for a few minutes, then he sucks hard on it before his lips travel downwards.  His tongue feels different than his fingers, hotter and more flexible, and even though they aren’t sure if they necessarily like the feeling of it moving inside them, whatever he’s doing down there feels good enough to start the build-up of heat between their hips again.  

Half of their mind is clouded over and hazy, but the other half reminds Pidge that they should be doing something for Lance, too.  They reach a hand down and card their fingers through his hair, partially to let their nails rake over that spot on the back of his neck that always makes him groan, and partially for the selfish reason of pulling his head a bit closer.  Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind, based on the happy-sounding whine that leaves his lips to vibrate against them. They discover that threading their fingers into his hair and tugging lightly earns more sounds from him and they put this revelation to good use, which only makes him eat them out more enthusiastically, if possible.  They hook their leg around his back and press their toes against the firm muscle of his butt. 

Things are going fine -- really great, even -- for several minutes, and Pidge is beginning to see why people might enjoy doing this from time to time.  But then, completely out of the blue, a shudder runs up their spine, and this time, it isn’t the good kind. They don’t know what set it off, but suddenly it’s like a switch has been flipped, and their skin feels like it’s crawling and every fiber of their being wants to pull away.  They try to push the feeling down and ignore it, thinking maybe they can just get over it, but that only leaves a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach, wrapping around the arousal that is there and suffocating it.

“Lance…” Pidge is surprised that their voice doesn’t shake as much as they thought it would.  Lance hums questioningly, and the vibration makes them want to scream. Every nerve is lit up, this time in protest, and they feel like two magnets repelling each other.  “Lance.” They say his name again, a little more firm now. They take their hand away from his head and press the heels of their hands into their eyes, feeling nauseous.  

Lance’s head pops up from between their thighs, eyes blinking curiously with something shiny all over his lips and chin.  He can tell something is wrong from just their voice, and seeing them lying there with the heels of their hands pressed to their eyes sends concern spiking through him.  “Pidge? What’s wrong? Did I use too much teeth?”

“No,” Pidge says miserably.  “It’s not that. I just… I’m sorry.  I don’t think I can do this.” 

Lance blinks.  “Oh. Okay.” He sits up and looks around for a moment, then reaches for the quilt that he usually keeps folded up at the foot of his bed for cold nights, picking it up from where it had fallen to the floor earlier.  “Here, do you, uh, want this?” 

Pidge is still for a few moments, then nods wordlessly.  He unfolds the blanket and lays it on top of them, shifting around on the bed so he isn’t between their thighs anymore.  They close their legs gratefully, the relief mingling and swirling with heavy guilt. 

“I’m sorry…”

“No, no, it’s alright.”  Lance says. “Are you okay?”  

They let their hands fall to their sides with a weighty sigh.  “I think so.” When they finally look at him, the first thing they notice is the look of overwhelming concern on his face.  The second thing they notice is that his dick is still fully erect, dark and flushed. Lance doesn’t miss the way their gaze drops and swallows uneasily.  

“I should probably, uh, get rid of this.”  He clears his throat, standing up hastily. “I’m just… gonna… yeah, shower.  Yeah.” He grabs his bathrobe off the hook on the back of the door and puts it on, but it doesn’t do much to hide the prominent bulge of his dick.  He pauses at the door, looking worried. “You’re sure you’re okay?” 

“Yeah.”  Pidge takes a deep breath.  “Go, uh… do your thing.” God, this is so embarrassing.  Not to mention completely humiliating. What happened? They don’t even have an answer for themselves.  

Lance nods tightly and heads for the bathroom, leaving his bedroom door open.  They hear the bathroom door click shut, followed by the sound of the shower turning on.  They have a general idea of what he’s doing, of course, but wonder if he’s doing it in the shower itself (do people really do that or was that just in movies?  That had better not clog the drain...) or if he’s just using the sound of the water to drown out any noise from the activity itself. They wonder what he’s thinking about.  He promised, before, that he wouldn’t think of them when he did that, but that was before today, before they… Pidge hopes the promise is still applicable, even after what they did.  

They sit up with a sigh, the quilt pooling in their lap.  They don’t know how long Lance will be in the bathroom for, but they have the feeling they should make an effort to be cleaned up by the time he gets out.  Pidge slips off his bed and wraps the quilt around their shoulders like a cape; they suddenly feel cold, and they aren’t sure whether it’s from stopping the physical activity or whether it’s more of an emotional effect.  They pick up their clothes from where they’re scattered on Lance’s floor and leave his room, padding bare-foot back to their own room. Grumbling their distaste for having only one shower in the apartment, they get changed into new, clean clothes quickly.  They feel kind of gross, but it’s more from being sweaty now. The unsettled feeling of repulsion they had felt before has faded, thankfully, now that they aren’t doing… that, anymore. 

Pidge kicks their drawer closed, a frown pinching their mouth.  They don’t know what happened. One minute, they were fine, and the next, it was like every cell in their body was filled with a resounding  _ NOPE!  _ sort of feeling, flashing like a neon sign.  Now they’re just left feeling frustrated. Frustrated at themselves, frustrated with their body for never fully getting into it, frustrated with their brain for suddenly deciding they were done halfway through, and another kind of frustration that feels like a tug in the pit of their gut, nagging that they haven’t technically finished.  Pidge glares down at their abdomen.  _ Nuh-uh, you had your chance and you blew it.  You don’t get jack now _ , they tell the nagging feeling curling in their gut.  They aren’t going to finish themselves off; they don’t have the energy for it, they don’t like doing it even on a good day, and they are still disappointed and sulky from what just happened.  It’ll go away eventually, they know. This isn’t the first time they’ve just ignored that stupid urge in favor of doing something else. Time for some good ol’ distraction, instead. Pidge grabs their laptop off their desk and crawls into bed, tucking themselves into the corner against the wall.  As they push their feet under their comforter, they notice Lance’s quilt sitting on the edge of their bed, where they dropped it earlier to get dressed. They briefly contemplate bringing it back to his room, but ultimately just pull it closer and wrap it around their shoulders instead. It smells like Lance; like Old Spice and sea-salt and warm summer days and clean cotton.  

When they open their laptop, the page of sex tips is still up from when they were looking at it before.   _ Everything may change!  Or nothing may change…  _ Or you might turn out to be a complete flop in bed and fuck everything up, they think miserably as they close out of the window.  They open up tumblr and try to lose themselves in memes, cats, and anime gifsets. 

Pidge is still moodily curled up in bed with their laptop when they finally hear the shower shut off in the bathroom.  They keep scrolling and don’t even look up when the hear the bathroom door open a few minutes later. They hear Lance’s footsteps across the floor as he first goes to his bedroom, then come closer.  He knocks quietly on their bedroom door, still ajar. Pidge doesn’t look up from their laptop screen. 

“Hey,” Lance calls softly.  “Can I come in?” 

“Sure.” Pidge reblogs a video of a pack of tigers chasing a drone at a zoo.  They kind of feel like the drone, right now, in more ways than one. An emotionless robot caught when they flew too close to something living and are now being torn apart, exposing the wires and machinery inside where others have blood and bone.  They know that’s about the oldest cliché in the book, and they know that they aren’t really emotionless or a robot -- they’ve definitely got plenty of emotions swirling around in them right now, all of them dark -- and that, objectively, there’s nothing  _ wrong  _ with not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction.  Logically, they know this, but in the moment, they can’t help but feel like that drone getting torn apart by tigers. 

As Lance enters the room, Pidge speaks up again.  “Thought we didn’t have to do the follow-up survey if we didn’t finish having the sex.”   They grouse. 

“Unfortunately, not finishing means we definitely should.”  Lance says, taking a seat on the edge of their bed. He’s wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, and his hair is still dark and wet from the shower.  “You okay?” 

“Spectacular.”  Pidge says flatly, jabbing the down arrow key to scroll past that stupid ‘color of the sky’ post.  “Never better. Peachy-keen. Feel like a million bucks.”

“Pidge.”  His voice is serious and quiet.  Soft, yet firm. 

Pidge sighs.  They know what that tone means.  It means Lance wants to talk this out, and hiding behind their usual shield of sarcasm will only end up hurting both of them.  It has happened before, and frankly they aren’t surprised that it’s happening again with this. They close their laptop and hand it to him.  “Put that on the desk, will you? And then get under the blankets.” 

Lance takes their computer and sets it on top of their desk, shifting three coffee cups and a pair of pliers out of the way so it isn’t balanced precariously on top of anything.  When he comes back to the bed, Pidge lifts up a corner of the blanket for him. He hesitates. “You sure?”

“Yes.”  Pidge says.  “Just get in.”  

Lance does so, slipping under the blankets with them.  His skin feels cold against theirs, even though he just got out of the shower.  His hair is still wet; if he keeps laying on that pillow, his hair is going to dry into a cowlick.  He doesn’t seem to mind, though. 

“You’re cold?”  Pidge asks, pushing their toes against his leg.  

“I tried to, you know, finish myself off.  But it felt awkward and weird, so I just took a cold shower instead.”  Lance explains quietly. 

“Oh.”  Pidge blinks.  “So… you’re still…?”

“Horny?  No.” 

“I was going to say ‘sexually frustrated’...” 

Lance hesitates, not meeting their eyes.  “I can deal with it later.”

Pidge looks down.  “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.  Really.” Lance says.  “It’s much better to say something and stop it than to keep doing something you don’t want to do.”  

“I  _ did  _ want to do it, though.”  Pidge says. “When we started, at least.”

“What happened in between?”  Lance asks.

Pidge sighs.  “I don’t know.  I really don’t. All of the sudden it was just gone, poof.”  They open their hand like a tiny explosion. 

Lance is quiet for a few moments.  “Was it… was it something I did?” 

“No,” Pidge shakes their head.  “No, everything you did was fine.  I even really liked some of it. I just… it was my fault.”

“It was probably both of us.”  Lance acknowledges. “Or neither.  That stuff just happens sometimes.”

“I’m pretty sure it was a ‘me’ problem.”  Pidge says. “If I wasn’t ace--”

“Don’t,” Lance cuts them off.  “I don’t like interrupting people, but I’m going to have to stop you there.  No one’s sexuality is to ‘blame’ for what happened. This isn’t a question of loving you despite you being ace; I love you for who you are, for  _ all  _ of you.”  

“But if I wasn’t, there wouldn’t have been a problem.”  Pidge protests. 

“There might still have.  Being allosexual doesn’t mean you can just hop into bed with anyone and have things work out every time.  If the chemistry isn’t there, things stall out.” Lance says. “And that’s perfectly okay.”

Pidge lets out a heavy sigh.  “I just really thought I could do it.”  

“Hey,” Lance cups their face, thumb rubbing over their cheek and prompting them to look up.  He smiles. “It’s not about whether or not a dick goes in or how many orgasms occur. Sex is an  _ experience _ ; it’s about being close to each other in a way no one else is.  We can do that just fine with words. We’re doing it right now.”

Pidge stares at him for a moment, then snorts.  “That was simultaneously the weirdest and yet best description of sex.”  

“That’s us, the weirdest but the best.”  Lance says, the corner of his lips pulling up in a smile.  “The dynamic duo, opposites attract. Like peanut butter and jelly.”  

“Like water and oil…” Pidge’s smile slips.  They really are like water and oil, aren’t they?  One with a positive and negative charge -- or sexuality -- and one with two negative charges -- or lack of sexuality -- trying to mix but always ending up separated by virtue of their nature.  You can stir water and oil all you want, but their polarity will always push them apart when the movement settles. 

“You need both to make tasty salad dressing, though.”  Lance says. 

Pidge blinks and has to think about it for a moment before they see what he’s getting at.  “That’s oil and  _ vinegar _ .”  

“Even better.”  Lance says. “You’re the vinegar, because you’re so sharp and bitter, and I’m the oil, because I’m so slick.”  He punctuates his words with a wink and a finger-gun. 

Pidge arches an eyebrow at him.  “I’m  _ what _ ?”  They ask, words flat.

“I meant sharp like smart.”  Lance says quickly. “But the sarcasm is part of your charm, too.”

Pidge snorts quietly in amusement.  “Slick save.” 

“That’s me, slick as oil.”

“That is the least flattering thing you have ever said about yourself.  You’re cheesy if nothing else.” Pidge tells him. ‘Oily’ conjure up images of some dirty old guy hitting on teenagers, in dire need of a shower and a morality check.  Lance might be overly-flirtatious at times, but he knows when to draw the line and he is never creepy. Pidge has never once felt uncomfortable with him. 

“And you’re nuts, like that peanut butter you like so much.”  Lance wiggles his eyebrows at them. “And you know what goes surprisingly well together?  Peanut butter and cheese.”

“Really?”  Pidge is doubtful, both in terms of taste and analogy.  

“Yep.  You wouldn’t think it, but they do.”  Lance says. “Put a little peanut butter on a cracker, add a little slice of cheese -- the good stuff, extra-sharp cheddar, not that flavorless Kraft plastic  -- and pop it in the toaster-oven for a minute to get it all melty… I’ll make you some for a snack later, you’ll see. It sounds weird, but it works, I swear.”  

Pidge smiles.  Weird but works -- just like the two of them.  Not oil and water, but peanut butter and cheese.   

**Author's Note:**

> ~~I'm so ace that I myself didn't even get the alien boxers, "I come in peace" joke until I wrote Lance's response to it and then went "....wait"~~
> 
> Please let me know if you liked it! I have a [ tumblr](http://gold-leeaf.tumblr.com/) and a [NSFW tumblr](https://bouquetofwhoopsiedaisies.tumblr.com/) too if you want to chat. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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